Weird People
NEANDERTHAL MANThe story I am about to relate took place in July 2005. My wife and I had booked a direct flight from Cleveland to Gatwick - a service that runs from April to October each year. We arrived at the airport in plenty of time to make our flight. I made the mistake of asking what type of aircraft was being used for the flight. I was horrified when I heard it was a Boeing 757- a single aisle plane, three seats on each side of the aisle with only a couple of toilets and nowhere to stand if you wanted to stretch your legs. Also, I remembered from many domestic flights on a 757 that if you sat in the aisle seat you had to pull in your elbows very tightly when the food cart went past or you got badly knocked. I expressed my surprise and disappointment to the check-in clerk that they were using such a small plane for an eight hour journey. I was more or less told "take it or leave it" or change your flight, at an additional cost of course, and go through either Newark, Kennedy or Chicago. We decided to take the 757 flight as our bags had already been checked. I stupidly asked, "Is the plane full?" The answer - "Yes, in fact, it is overbooked." She seemed really pleased giving me this piece of news. The omens were not looking good - it meant all the seats would be crammed into a minimal amount of space and the chance of changing our seats or having a empty seat in our row was unlikely. After two hours of ground delays and long after we should have been on our way, we boarded and found our seats about halfway down the plane. I asked the flight attendant if there were any seats on the aisle close to each other, but she glared at me as though I were an idiot and I was told again that the flight was full as we had already been told in the terminal. The plane was still at the gate and she was already suffering from a bad temper. So we decided to sit back and enjoy the flight as best we could. It took forever for everyone to take their seats; finally they were in the process of closing the door. My wife had the window seat. I had the center seat, and as the door was closing thought, "Good, no one is sitting in the aisle seat - we can stretch out." The door was almost closed when they re-opened it for a late arriving passenger. This person - of a "Cro-Magnon" or "Neanderthal" appearance - was soaked in perspiration and was wearing a body shirt (you know, the type with an open armpit that almost comes down to the waist), a pair of what once had been white running shorts, and filthy sneakers with, of course, no socks. As it appeared the only available seat was next to me, my stomach fell. He walked up the aisle having what seemed to be difficulty in reading his seat number. He finally calculated where it was and with an almighty crash sat down next to me with such force that the entire row of seats shook. I have to tell you - I have had nightmares over the years of a person such as this sitting next to me and now the nightmare had become a reality. The entire visible part of his body - almost all of it - was covered in tattoos of snakes - something of which I am terrified - thick black hair and dirty feet - no socks as I have said. Add to that a vile overpowering smell of some cheap cologne with which he had drenched himself in order to cover the odor of stale perspiration from his unwashed body. In my everlasting attempt to be friendly to every one I meet I said "Hello" to him - I was ignored. He was unable to sit still - either from a nervous condition or some type of drugs - and kept moving around in his seat. Not just a slight movement - no, the whole row shook as he threw himself around. My next thought was, "Oh, my Gawd, I have got to put up with this for the next eight hours?" I had my left elbow halfway on the armrest, but he kept pushing it off. In a very loud whisper to my wife, so he would hear me, I started complaining about the disgusting condition of this person next to me. My wife told me to be quiet in case he hit me; his constant glaring at me told me he had heard every word I said. We were taxiing from the gate over some rough ground and he raised his right arm to the top of the seat in front of him to steady himself. I was hit with the unmistakable offensive smell of his truly unwashed body. Upon this onslaught to my senses I could no longer remain quiet. In a very loud voice I made the statement, "I can't put up with this smell for very much longer without throwing up!!" Upon hearing this he jumped up, glared at me, muttered a few choice words under his breath, and pulled his bag from under the seat in front of him with such force that the entire row shook. People undid their seatbelts and stood to see what had happened. The flight attendant screamed out for them to sit down and refasten their belts. There must have been an empty seat further back in the plane, as he went and sat there, bringing his presence to other poor fellow travelers. As we landed in Gatwick he ran the entire length of the plane to be the first to disembark. If looks could kill I would have dropped dead from the hatred on his face as he ran past me. It all ended well with my wife and I having the three seats between us, and even though the plane was crowded, it turned into a fairly pleasant flight. Of course, the food was terrible, but we were on vacation - who cared? In no way did it spoil our vacation in England - nothing ever does. 11/07 Signed, Lawrence Bently
FOOT FETISH
I travel a lot for my job, so I am used to crazy, strange, smelly, obnoxious, etc. people on flights - I'm usually ALWAYS the one who gets seated next to them. However, I was not prepared for what I experienced on a routine flight from JFK to Miami International. I sat in my aisle seat, got situated, a 'regular' person sat right next to me. She seemed nice - not a pushy person who immediately claims the arm rest...directly across the aisle from me, another nice, normal person sat - no loud gadgets, loud talking, etc...I thought to myself - 'ahhh, nice!' I sat back, and relaxed. Then - a man, about late 60's/early 70's, sits in the seat one row in front and across the aisle from me. He situates himself, waits until we take off, and proceeds to take off his shoes....first the right, then the left....followed by, of course, his socks - first the right then the left.....he then begins to PICK at the dead, scaly skin on his feet. I'm not kidding - he used his finger nails to scrape, scrape and pull the dead skin from his heels, his toes, the arch of his foot. After a few minutes, I thought - surely someone would say something to stop him. Definitely the poor person sitting next to him would eventually get fed up at the disgustingness of the situation to ask him to stop. Nope...no one - not a flight attendant, NO ONE said a word. I thought I was going crazy - how could I be the only person completely disgusted by this? A literal MOUND of dead skin was under this man's feet - I thought I was going to be sick. Finally, I decided, 'no mas!,' I have to stop this....just as I reached for the attendant button - I saw it. It was shiny...it was small - it was a NAIL CLIPPER. That's right - he began to clip his toe nails - on a packed flight. Thank the heaven's for the rest of us, the nails landed right on top of the dead skin hill under his now-primped feet. I still get nauseated at the very thought of it all. I've been from Tokyo to London to Hawaii, I have been delayed - canceled - bumped.....and I have to admit that this flight was hands down the worst flight I had ever been on! 10/07 Signed, Done With Travel!
THE BEARDED PASSENGER FROM HELL
This is my "worst-ever, round trip flight from Pittsburgh, PA to Seattle, WA” story. The departing flight to Seattle was a non-stop flight, which I prefer. As I was already seated on the plane, awaiting everyone else to board, a man in the seat next to me kept jumping up and sorting through his enormous carry-on bag that he had stuffed into the overhead bin above me. I proceeded to ignore him, hoping that he would eventually find what he was looking for; and eventually, he must have, as he settled down. Midflight, during food service, with my apple juice sitting on my tray table, this man again jumps up and proceeds to rummage through the overhead bin above me again. This time he knocks his umbrella out of the overhead bin and it falls onto my tray table, knocking my apple juice onto my lap. (Note that I was wearing white pants, so this lovely yellow liquid was now spilled in my crotch area). After yelling at the annoying gentleman and being calmed by the stewardess, I was eventually able to sleep through the rest of the flight, with no disturbances. When I landed in Seattle, I went to pick up my rental car (still wearing the beautiful white pants with the yellow-stained crotch) only to find that I had been charged double insurance for it. After finally get that ordeal straightened out, I head to my hotel, where I find that “no, they do NOT have a room” booked under my name (which my Administrative Point of Contact at work had assured me she had done, as well as the travel itinerary in my hand confirmed) but apparently, neither meant a thing. After finally getting a room at my hotel, things went better and through the week the rest of my conference went well. Fast forward to my departing flight from Seattle…I end up in a middle seat with a fellow (whose appearance is questionable) to my left and a heavy-set woman to my right. Heavy-set woman wasn't too bad, just took up a little more of my personal space than I had liked, and snored loudly, but overall, not too bad. Fellow with the questionable appearance, however...was a total NIGHTMARE. Believe it or not, aside from his awful smell and the fact that he probably hadn't bathed in quite some time, he was actually pulling hair out of his beard and....wait for it....EATING IT!! I had never seen anything like this in my life and it made me sick to the stomach. This man actually did this for the entire flight back to Pennsylvania - it was the only time in my life I was praying for a layover...but I knew I was on a nonstop flight! I sat next to this fellow and watched as he would pull out clumps of hair from his face, examine it, and then pop it into his mouth, as if it were M&Ms! Finally, when I thought it couldn't get any worse, as we were finally nearing Pittsburgh International Airport, we had to circle around, as there was bad weather in the area. We were force to stay in the air an additional hour and a half until we were cleared to land. Absolutely, positively, with no doubt in my mind, THE WORST ROUND-TRIP FLIGHT I HAVE EVER TAKEN!! 10/07 ~Beth Richardson - Johnstown, PA
SPEWING GREEN LIQUID
I was waiting in the concourse for a flight out of Miami. I noticed a woman with wild eyes acting fidgety and erratically. I thought to myself that I hoped she wasn't going to board the same plane. After boarding the plane and after the door was closed, I was relieved that she wasn't on the same flight. Suddenly the door opened and she and a male companion boarded. As she walked down the aisle I noticed that a foamy green liquid started spewing out of her mouth. She started yelling gibberish. Her companion, who looked normal, seemed to take her rantings and and the green spittle in stride. For some reason, the airline flight crew seemed to ignore her as well. I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone episode. As the plane engines started, I feared that she was actually going to remain for the duration of the flight. Finally, to the relief of all, the couple was escorted off the plane by the flight crew. 06/07 Signed, Living in the Twilight Zone
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